Produced
by Idaho Public Television
for the Idaho Department of Health & Welfare
Jessica JCH JCH Jessica JCH JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica When I was pregnant I didn't know what I was going to do. _____ school
because I thought I needed a full time job. There goes your education.
Then, you want to be there for your kid but you're constantly working
trying to make ends meet. It's not worth it to have it so young. Have
a happy life when you're older after everything is stable. JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica The guys are going to be there just as much in the long run. They might
not choose to come around but they're going to have to pay child support.
They're going to have to work. If not, they'll go to jail. They'll lose
their license. They think it's easy, just because the mom's always there.
The mom has to bath them, has to get them ready, has to pay for their
clothes, their diapers, everything. They'll get it in the long run just
as much as the mother does. JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica You don't get away from your parents. They are always there. You'll learn
that you're going to need them more for support, to be there, financially.
When you live on your own you can get housing but you still have to pay
bills. You have to pay the electricity, all that. Phone if you want a
phone. It's not as easy as you think. I lived on my own. I still had to pay all of the bills. If you have a
car, insurance too. It all adds up. Nothing is for free any more. You can't always think
that you can depend on everybody else like you did your parents. You're
not going to always have it. JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica JCH Jessica There are a lot of things people need to understand about welfare. It
only lasts a certain amount of time. JESSICA
Interviewer:
Joan Cartan-Hansen
My name is Jessica.
How old is your child?
How old were you when you had her?
I was sixteen. When I got pregnant I had just turned sixteen or was just
turning sixteen.
Let me ask what your life was like before she was born.
Jessica
Before I got pregnant I was a full time student at school. I had a part
time job. It was a normal teenage life. After I had her, it was difficult.
Going back to school is the hard part I think. I wanted to be there for
every move like when she walked and talked.
What happened to your social life?
My social life? None of my friends came around because you have to have
your kid every where.
Why?
You don't get to do much. That's your world. You can't just leave whenever
you want. When you get ready in the morning I think that is one of the
hardest. You have to make sure you get them up or get them ready along
with you. It's hard.
How did other people in your life react? How did people on the street
react? How did that all make you feel?
When I was pregnant?
Yes and then after she came along.
There were a few people who told me that my sister was cute or told me
that I was too young. You don't get a real positive result from it all.
Just that you're so young. Basically that you're bad.
That's not how you feel.
I wish I had waited. It's wrong in a way. I don't regret it. I just wish
I had waited a little longer so I could have finished school and was steadier
for her.
Talk to me about that.
I want her to look up to me. I want to have the education. I want to have
job training. I want to have a stable home. That stuff right now is hard
to give her. Trying to finish school and work too.
What difference has this made in your life?
I don't get to go out much. I don't get to party or just be with my friends.
When you are invited to go somewhere you always have your kid no matter
what. You want to go to the store you always have your kid. It's stressful
and dealing with it does get a little easier in time but it is difficult.
How do we explain that to other teenagers?
It's not that easy. You just can't say that you want a kid just because
you can get away because it's not like that. You want to get away from
your parents by having a kid, thinking you're an adult. It's harder than
that. You need your parents actually there to help you with the support,
babysitting, financial stuff. You don't get everything that you want for
free. It's not always going to work out that way.
Why can't your peers hear that?
A lot of people don't. They just think if it happens, it happens. Some
people want to have kids but why so young? It's not going to make anything
better for the future for your kid. I think people, when they say want
to have a kid so young are thinking all about themselves. What about your
kid? What kind of life is it going to have if you can't even afford to
make ends meet at that time? Bring somebody else into the world when you
can barely take care of yourself. I know I didn't think about it.
What kind of goals did you have for yourself before you got pregnant?
I wanted to finish school and I wanted to become a cop. I wanted to live
in a nice house with a white picket fence. All of the things you dream
about, basically. But now... finishing school is hard enough for me right
now, paying for day care. By the time you get out, you don't have enough
time to relax.
It's not easy.
It's not. I don't see how anybody can say it's easy unless you have wealthy
parents, but in my case I didn't.
How about boys in this situation? What would you tell me if I was a teenage
boy and said, "I have a kid? That's great. I can walk away. It's her problem".
But it is their problem and they have to take just as much responsibility.
Some guys think, all right. Let them have it. They're the ones who have
to go through it.
Can I ask you about the father of your daughter?
He's around. He's actually really good. It's just hard now because he
dropped out of school too but now he went back and he's trying to get
his diploma. He wants to be a marine. It's hard for him too. He only works
a little bit and that doesn't cover everything. He lives with his mom.
I live at my house. It's hard for him too. It's not easy for anybody.
What does he say when he gets frustrated with the situation?
It's nothing big like that to him. He copes with a lot of things but he
always says he wishes he had waited until we could afford everything,
basically. We wouldn't have to hurry to try to get our diplomas or work
two jobs to support ourselves. He says the same things. It's nothing he
regrets. He just wishes he had waited a little while.
Do you think having been a teen parent gives you insight that others who
have not gone through that experience might have?
Say, if a teen wanted to have a kid? Wait, I would say and stress to everyone
wait until you're actually ready. Wait until you love someone and want
to be with them. Wait until the time is right. Half of the girls out there
with kids aren't with the dads. Some of them don't even know who the dad
is. Wait until you love someone and you're with them and you're going
to settle down and have a family.
Part of the focus of this project is how the welfare laws have changed,
to explain to teens what some of the new laws are relating to welfare.
You are no longer allowed to just go on welfare and stay on welfare. You
have to work while you are on welfare.
It's not a free ride. None of it is a free ride. You're going to end up
paying it back some how. Everybody thinks they can get food stamps free.
You can get Medicaid but there are other expenses that go along with it
that you are going to have to pay in the long run. Welfare you get two
years of your life. You have to work. It's not always free. What are you
going to do after the two years? It's not something you can just go on
and live off of.
What do you miss?
I miss being able to do whatever I want. That's my thing. Leaving when
ever, partying when ever, going to school when ever I felt like it, not
having to work. It was just awesome. Relying on your parents to pay the
bills. It was awesome.
And now?
And now I have to go home every day after school. I don't get to pick
up and leave whenever I want to. She goes every where I go. I don't get
to go to parties because I rarely have a babysitter. I don't have as good
a social life as I used to. It's turned it around. There are a lot of
little things you can't do. You can't go on dates, really. I come with
baggage. There are just a lot of different things if you think about it.
All you've got to do is think about the stuff you get away with now and
think about having to carry around someone else. It's hard.
What message can you tell a teen who is not a parent?
I would tell you to finish school, to get a good education. Go to college.
Find the one that you love, that you want to be with and have a family
with. Don't rush into it too soon. It's not as good as it seems. You have
to look at the bigger picture.
Tell me about thinking welfare is going to be your answer.
I don't think welfare is my answer. Welfare is not your answer. It helps
you out a little bit but it's not going to be there for long. You might
think you have it all good that you get free money but you only get it
for two years. What if you have another kid and you need it later on down
the road? What are you going to do then? It's something I can't stress
enough because who are you always going to live off of? You can get free
stuff now but what about later. Welfare helps you out just a little bit.
You'll have it for just a little while but what are you going to do next?
There's nothing you really can do. It's going to be gone.
