Melinda
My name is Melinda. I'm seventeen.

JCH
What was your life like before your daughter was born?

Melinda
Well I was head cheerleader of varsity squad. Miss Popularity. All the guys liked me, like "Oh there's Melinda", you know. And it was fun. Not very good in school but just because I was too social. But yeah I was always having a good time. Just going out with my friends. I would just tell my mom, "I'll be back in a little while". It was great but it's not like that any more.

JCH
What's it like now?

Melinda
Well I'm not Miss Popularity any more. I don't have the friends. The guys run. "Oh God, she has a kid", and I can't go out very often. Every once in a while my dad will watch her on a Friday night but that very seldom happens. And when I do go places she's usually right there with me. It's crazy. I just don't even know how to explain it.

JCH
How are you treated by other people?

Melinda
Well a bunch of them, they're not used to being around babies and not used to the crying and the constant diaper changing and they 're just like, "Oh my God, get your kid to quit crying". She quits when she wants to quit. It's not like I can put tape over her mouth.

JCH
What message do you have for others? What do you want to tell them?

Melinda
Wait. Definitely. It's not as fun as it looks.

JCH
Tell me a little bit more.

Melinda
Well you can only be on welfare for a total of two years before you have to go off of it and I mean it's not even that great, really. And once you decide to have a kid your whole life is basically turned up side down. There's nothing the same. To me anyway there's nothing the same and it might seem like "Oh it's going to be so fun. If I have a girl I'll dress her." You don't have time to dress her up.

JCH
Tell me a little bit about the impact it had in your family.

Melinda
In my family? Well my dad, he was not fond of the idea. We didn't talk for a couple of months and my mom, she wasn't fond of the idea because, well because I was her daughter. Her fifteen-year-old daughter and she hated my boyfriend. My mom ended up passing out when she found out. It brought my mom and I closer but my dad and I, we're not close any more at all. And basically it hasn't done real good in ____ the family. I don't think it has because they're always saying, "Oh, I'm not babysitting your baby if you want to go out. No way. We have to be with her all the time anywise when you're here".

JCH
What did it do to your goals? What did you want to do before your daughter came into your life and now how has it impacted that?

Melinda
Well I had started modeling before I got pregnant and then when I got pregnant I didn't model any more. I wanted to be a professional model and everything. I had started doing the runways and I got accepted in Europe for a modeling agency and I just couldn't even go because I got pregnant and who wants to shoot a pregnant girl in a magazine, right?

Now my body is not even what it used to be so I can't model plus you can't really do it with a kid because who's going to watch her while you're off doing your runway and getting your shots done in the magazines and stuff? It didn't work.

JCH
What goals do you have now?

Melinda
I want to finish school. Go back to school and finish it because I had to drop out when I had her so I could support us both. And now I have moved in with my dad and now I'm going to go back to school. It will take me an extra year to graduate but that's what I want to do, and then I think I'm going to hit up the medical profession.

JCH
How did the baby's father react?

Melinda
Well, he was very happy. I think he wanted it to happen. He was very, very happy that it happened but I was the one with the baby and he got to go out and do his thing whenever he wanted to. He got to do what ever he wanted to and I was always stuck at home. And he'd call me and tell me,"Oh I'm doing this". Great. Don't call me. I'm home. But that all changed real fast because he kind of screwed everything up.

JCH
What's it like being a teen mom? What is your life like?

Melinda
I don't have a life. That is the only way I can explain it. All my life consists of is my daughter. That's it and I can go shopping sometimes but she's right there in the stroller with me and I can go swimming but she's right there with me swimming. I don't have any time away from her so it's overwhelming to me because when she's sick, she just cries and cries. I think I'm a mature person but at some points I don't think I'm mature enough to handle all of the crying and screaming. It literally drives me crazy.

JCH
Do you think other teens have any idea what it's like to be a teen parent?

Melinda
Unless you are one, no. I really honestly don't.

JCH
Explain that to me.

Melinda
Before I got pregnant, I saw a couple girls who were pregnant, having kids and I was like, look what they did. How dumb is that? It might not be that hard but who wants to have kid? I'm never having kids but I never thought ever that it would be this difficult. Ever.

I love her but if I had it to do over again I definitely would wait. Yeah. I just think that there's a lot of us out there who are really naive and just don't really know what kind of responsibility they're taking on when they decide to do this because it's overwhelming is what it is.

JCH
Tell me a little bit more about your goals. You've talked a little bit about wanting to go into the medical profession and going back to school. When you now think of your life, was it what you expected?

Melinda
No. I always expected to grow up, become rich and always have a million friends. Every body would know me and I would have big old cocktail parties in my mansion. And now I'm probably going to live in an average sized house and stuff just because I can't get up to where my dreams were. I probably could but it's a lot harder with my daughter because she really puts a halt on a bunch. I'm probably not going to become rich and famous like I wanted to. Oh well, I'll make it.

JCH
What message do you have for the guys out there? The teen guys.

Melinda
Hmm-m-m. Well. Which teen guys?

JCH
Probably those guys who are not parents right now but are thinking about doing something that might make them end up being a teen parent.

Melinda
All I can say is if they are going to do this they need to help take the responsibility. It is way too hard to be a single parent. I think if there were two of them, it might work out but that very rarely happens. I don't really think that teenage parents are supposed to work out. I haven't seen a relationship that has worked out.

JCH
It's so easy when you're fifteen and you're in love and this is what every body's doing.

Melinda
Right. It is very easy. Not worth it. I honestly don't think it's worth it.

JCH
How about being in the welfare system? How does that make you feel?

Melinda
Well I don't like living off other people. That's the way I look at it. I'm living off other people and so I try I stay on as little of that as I can. As soon as I get on my feet to where I can buy all the groceries, I can pay all the day care, I can pay my utilities, my rent, my car payment and buy my daughter her diapers and, thank God she doesn't drink formula any more, her milk. As soon as I get to where I can buy all that and still have gas money then I'll get off welfare. I don't want to take it for the whole two-year extent. I don't want to be like, "Hey, I don't have to pay anything" because what if you need it again further down the line? Then you won't be able to have it.

JCH
Some teens think that it's great, I'll get pregnant, I'll be able to move out, get away from my parents. I'll be able to get welfare. It's going to be great.

Melinda
When I had my daughter, I lived with my mom for about nine months until she was nine months old and then I moved into a one-bedroom house next door to my Grandma so I wasn't even away from my family. And that's what I tried to get away from. I wanted to be able to raise my daughter on my own and become her mother. Just do it my way; but no, I was always calling my Mom, asking, "What do I do, what do I do? I can't do this. I need you to come get her. I need you to come help me, come stay with me. Let me come stay at your house". I was never at home, ever. I was paying rent for a house where I just came home, took a shower and left. I was always alone so I would go see my sister. I'd go see my mom or my dad or my grandma. Those are the only places I ever went to because I can't stand the fact of being alone. Just me and my daughter.

I don't know because so many people tried telling me "you'd better slow down. You're going to get pregnant". I would not listen. I was a rebellious person who that if you told me one thing; I'd do another. Any body. My best friends. "Oh don't do that." "Whatever, I'm doing it". You know? I wouldn't listen to a single soul and that's how most teenagers are. They just want to do it their way. Their parents tell them no, okay, I'll do it. So that's what happened.

JCH
And now?

Melinda
Now I wish that I hadn't gotten in all the trouble that I got in. If I had just listened I could still have a normal life. I could still have a life. I could go out and go to parties, go dancing, go swimming with my friends and not worry about my daughter getting heat exhaustion or getting sunburn. I was at a party the other night and I just kept thinking about her and I had to leave because I didn't know if she was crying. I didn't know if she was driving my brother nuts. This is not a good situation and so, of course, I left having a good time. I left to go be bored and go to sleep.

JCH
You never escape being a mom. Can you escape being a dad?

Melinda
Well, my baby's dad did. I think he would have stayed in the picture if he hadn't been such an idiot. I'm sorry, that's the only way I can describe him.

I think some guys can escape from it like, "What ever. I am not having a kid. This is now you and I'll go make more babies and leave them too". Then there are a bunch of guys who can't escape it just like, "Oh my God I made this life now I have to deal with it".

I don't know how it is coming from a guy's perspective but I would think that it is pretty much the same. Guys do a lot more partying than girls do so I think it would be a little harder on them.

JCH
Was there something someone could have said before you got pregnant that could have helped you?

Melinda
No there wasn't. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I didn't want to get pregnant. That wasn't in my plans but it happens. I'm not one to go for abortion or adoption so I had to take my responsibility and become a mom and lose all of what I had before.

JCH
And teens just don't believe that that is the case?

Melinda
They don't. I didn't believe it. I was like, "Oh yeah. Those stupid commercials saying sex lasts a minute. Being a parent lasts your whole life. Well, what ever". It's true. I swear to God.

JCH
So what are you going to tell her when she turns eleven or twelve? What are you going to tell her?

Melinda
I want her to find somebody who will love her and that she loves back. I don't want her to go through the heartbreak I did. I almost died I went through so much heartbreak. It literally almost killed me. If she ever went through that I couldn't deal with it. I want her to be happy and know that she is in love. Married and everything just so that there is security and her baby will have a dad. That's a big thing with me because mine doesn't have a dad. I want to have a grandchild and he says, "Oh my Mom and Dad are so nice and they love me so much" and she says, "Oh my Mom loves me". I don't know. It's sad.

It's not worth it. Definitely. DON'T DO IT. That's all I can say. Wait until you are mature enough to be a parent. Welfare is not the answer to all of the problems.

JCH
Why?

Melinda
Because it helps a little bit. It will pay some of your day care. Not all of it but it will pay some of it. It will pay your medical if you qualify but really it's not that much. You need a whole lot more than just welfare.

JCH
Do you get child support? Some girls think that is going to be their solution, that they are going to get child support.

Melinda
No. You rarely get child support. A lot of people do. A couple of my friends who have babies and their dads are just not there. They don't pay child support. They just go along, won't even see their babies. It's really upsetting. If you do get it, it's a help but it's not that much. You'll probably end up paying your bills with it instead of giving it to your child.