ROQUE

JCH
At the end of the paycheck and there's not that much left.

Roque
Yeah, it's not that much. You don't get to go out as much. You don't get to go out with your friends. You don't get to do a lot of things. You don't get to have a lot of nice things, actually. It is hard when you have a kid and you've got to pay for the diapers. You've got to pay all sorts of things and you can't because you're having a lot taken out of your check. I don't want to say anything bad about girls now. I do, but then again I don't.

JCH
Say what you want to say.

Roque
It's not easy.

JCH
It's tough. Does your daughter's mom have a boyfriend? Is there another man in your daughter's life? Is that tough?

Roque
It isn't towards me because I did like her. I don't know if it was love because I was seventeen. I thought I did but it's like I can't love somebody I don't want to be with. If I don't love her why would I want to be with her? It's kind of hard. It kind of brings problems when she has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend because either she doesn't like my girlfriend or I don't like her boyfriend.

You get problems and it's hard to see your daughter or your son. You don't know what you're thinking when you go out and have a kid at a young age. I think it's kind of sad too in a way because kids who are young are not thinking at the age of fifteen, sixteen. They're not thinking. They're just doing what they think is fun, but when something bad happens they have to face the consequences of having a kid.

When they have a kid at a young age, they either get kicked out of their house or their parents don't want them any more. They don't get any kind of support. I think it's hard for young girls who have kids. I think it's harder for them than the males.

JCH
I think it's tough for every body.

Roque
Yeah.

JCH
Tell me about how your life when your daughter came into the world. What day to day activity changed?

Roque
Yeah, it did. It did change because I would be hanging around my friends. I'd go to dances a lot and I'd play my sports and stuff I was into and it did change my life. I had to spend more time with my daughter. It was kind of hard for me because I lived in California and she lived in Washington and when I came back it was totally different because I didn't get to spend that much time with my friends. I didn't get to do what I wanted to do because she'd always be calling and I'd be just stuck in the middle. There's nothing wrong with that but it just takes a big part of your life away.

JCH
I think that's what a lot of teens don't realize, that it changes your life. What advice would you give me?

Roque
I don't know what kind of advice I'd give you. I would say that it would mess up your life. Having a kid is not bad. It's not something you do plan if you do have sexual intercourse but it is kind of hard on you. If you want to have nice things, if you want to have a car, if you want to go out, I'd advise you not to have a kid because it's going to effect you in some way, whether you like it or not.

Something is going to come back at you - and they're not expecting that. They think, "Yeah, I can be with this person, yeah I can be with that person and still do what I have to do" and it's not going to work out that way. I would advise you not to have a kid ever or at your age.

Having a kid for the first year it's like $10,000, around there. That's how much you would need for the first year. I added that up. You see, $10,000 is a lot. I probably wouldn't make $10,000 in six years, all total at a young age. And the girls would hate that. They hate when you're not with them because if you're not with them they're going to try to do all kinds of bad things. That way you will have a miserable life. A girl would think the same thing toward a guy you know, "he's not with me. I'm going to mess up your life now".

It's kind of hard because you're stuck in between. You know you don't want to have your life all thrown away.

JCH
There's always conflict especially if you decide not to stay with that person for the rest of your life.

Roque
It effects you. It effects her because that kind of separates you and your kid. The things she does, you don't even want to see her. It's hard for you to go around and see your kid. She's always going to be throwing things at you, not throwing things, but telling you things. It's kind of hard for you to communicate with your kid. I've had problems like that.

JCH
It's tough because you don't realize how much it's going to change your life. Why do you think it's so hard to get that message through?

Roque
Through kids?

JCH
To kids, yeah. That becoming a teenage parent is going to change everything. Why is it that some one who's fifteen, seventeen doesn't believe that?

Roque
You can get ideas that help you out but you can't depend on somebody else to take away your mistakes because that would be hard. And the kids that is seventeen, fifteen, sixteen, they're into more like it's a lust kind of thing going on. They think that's fun for them and it's happy and it makes them feel good or what not. And kids, fifteen and maybe eighteen, they're out partying and drinking and that's a big cause of a guy and a girl having sexual intercourse. When they use drugs or are drinking, they're not thinking either and that's like a big mistake when kids are just out there doing that.

JCH
You never think it's going to happen to you.

Roque
I never did. I never thought I was going to have a kid at that age. I wanted to wait until I was a little bit older. I never expected to be some where else. I never wanted to ignore my friends or dis them in order to be with my kid. I never thought something like that would happen. It does effect me in a lot of situations where I have to make a choice. And by having a kid you make more choices than you ever expected.

JCH
You don't think about, "what am I going to feed this person. What is this person going to wear? Where is this person going to go? How am I going to entertain this person? Is my baby getting enough information"? Is it overwhelming sometimes?

Roque
It's kind of hard too because it's frustrating because when you're with the kid overnight and she or he is crying, it's hard because you're stressing because you've got to go to work early in the morning. She's crying and she doesn't let you get enough sleep, she has to be changed and stuff like that. It gets frustrating because you don't know what to do. You're trying to depend on some body else. You try to look for help some where and your help's not there and you've got to be responsible. You can give up.

There's not much you can say to a teen because you can say all kinds of things to them but they're not in the right state of mind. Yeah, some teens will get the idea and some kids just want to do what they want to do. I can tell young youth, "Yeah, don't have a kid at a young age and this and that". It's just a mistake. You don't plan on things like that.

She does want to have fun if that's what you want to call it; there's not much you can do because you're not with her 24 hours.

JCH
Yeah, that's true. You've got to raise them and trust them. So what lesson are you going to teach her?

Roque
I think I would tell her what kind of things me and her mom went through. I mean me and her mom went through a lot of bad things. The fact that I couldn't be with anybody or she'd try to mess up your life. I'm not saying the guy was not trying to mess up her life at the same time. I never did. I always wanted to have a good relationship with her at least but we'd always constantly argue. I would tell her the kinds of things we went through. Why we're not together now. It's going to be hard for her and it's going to be hard for the dad when she does have a kid. There's not much you can say to her. I don't know. I don't know.

JCH
What was your parents' response and what was her parents' response when you told them she was pregnant?

Roque
I didn't really tell my parents because I was kind of scared. My mom sent me to California. That's why I had to move. I was seventeen. I came back when I was eighteen. She didn't take it too good. I kind of lost something between me and my mom and it was hard for me because I didn't know what kinds of things she was thinking in her head but she would never tell me. I know that she, how do you say it? I wouldn't say so much respect, but she kind of lost a little bit of trust in me because now what kinds of things would I do in order to help my daughter out. It was kind of hard telling my parents; actually my mom because I lost my dad when I was eight so she's the one who had to raise me. It was hard for her too, raising eleven kids.

JCH
How about meeting her parents?

Roque
I met her parents when she was pregnant. Her dad gave me advice that it was wrong to have a kid. Her dad was telling me I would have to stop doing everything, hanging out with my friends and that's the kind of thing I didn't want to do, stop hanging around my friends. Her dad told me that I had to get a job and totally just be with her. I couldn't be with her because I didn't love her after a while. I just didn't have feelings toward her any more.

It was a good conversation between me and her dad. Her dad would tell me what kinds of things he went through too because he had kids at an early age and wasn't with the mother. He paid a big, huge chunk of child support. He's still paying it. He's like thirty-nine and he's still paying child support and it was hard for him too, he told me. I wish he had told me a little bit earlier. I wouldn't have had a kid. I'm not saying that I don't love my child because I do. It's not her fault she's here. It's kind of both of ours. It's her fault a lot more than my fault because if she hadn't been there I wouldn't have done anything with her. I can say that.

It is the girls' fault I think because if a girl's not there then a guy shouldn't have to worry about anything. But no. The parents let them go out. I don't want to dis on a girl.

JCH
What's your life like being a dad? Do you think of yourself differently now that you're a dad? Different than when you weren't a dad?

Roque
Well when I had a kid I thought it was because I was young. I'm young. I'm twenty. Having a kid, you just wake up and you're like, "wow I'm a dad." You don't expect things like you're waking up and you're kid's crying. It's surprising to you in a way but then again it's like, "man, what did you do?" That goes through my mind a lot. I was eighteen when she was born. I'm twenty now and it still goes through my head why did it have to happen that way? What kinds of things I would have done differently if I knew back then. I should have listened to this person; I should have listened to that person.

Being a dad is like you're lost in a jungle because you don't know what to expect. It's kind of hard. I kind of did hurt her because of the fact that I told her that I didn't love her. I was young and I told her that. I didn't care about her because I was too young. I thought I did but then again, she did get hurt because she didn't have anybody to help her out. Her mom and dad moved to San Diego while she was living in Washington. Her emotions were "What am I going to do next. What am I going to do tomorrow? Where am I going to be in a year? What is going to happen?"

Me not being there for her was kind of sad on my part but then again I was not in the right state of mind to be thinking for her too. I never wanted to hurt a girl because I don't think a girl should get hurt. If I don't want to get hurt why should I hurt somebody else just because somebody hurt me. I never wanted to end up that way but that's the way it happened. I don't want to say I feel sorry for her but I think it's hard for the mother, at least for her. She has a lot more things on her mind than the guy does because guys can still go out and girls can't because they're stuck with the kid and they don't know what to do. They get frustrated.

It is hard to see my daughter. I'm separated from her. It's hard for me to get to know her better. She's going to grow up not knowing who I am. That's a big thing I look at. I don't want her to grow up not knowing who I am. She's not going to like me because I'm her dad and she's going to go, "Who is this guy coming every here and there?" It's sad because I don't want her not knowing me by the time she gets older. She won't call me dad. She'll be calling me by my name. That kind of thing is going to hurt me because she doesn't know who I am.

JCH
Do you think that some day the mom will get married and there will be another man in her life, another dad in your daughter's life?

Roque
I'm pretty sure there's already a man in her life right now.

JCH
How does that make you feel when there's somebody else there?

Roque
How does that make me feel?

JCH
Yeah.

Roque
Do you want me to lie?

JCH
No. I don't want you to lie. I want you to tell me the truth. How does it make you feel?

Roque
I can't say it's going to make me feel angry or anything like that because I don't care about her. I don't care about the mom and it's not my fault that I don't care about her. It's just that I don't have any feelings for her. I can't be with her if don't...

JCH
I understand that. How does it make you feel that your daughter is going to look at somebody else and say, "Oh is this my dad?"

Roque
I wouldn't like that to tell you the truth. That would kind of hurt. Especially me because my daughter calling somebody else dad I would probably go do some action or something. I don't know. I don't know how to answer that question. It would make you feel like you're not even a dad because you have somebody else take care of your mistake, your problem that you had. It's kind of messed up because you're over here paying child support but yet your daughter calls somebody else dad. You're doing all kinds of things but she doesn't know you. It's going to effect you because you're stuck in the middle not knowing what's going on and it would suck her being with another guy and if that guy laid a hand on my daughter, that sucks. That's a 'no'.

JCH
But if you're not there?

Roque
If you're not there...that was a good one. I wouldn't know what to do.

JCH
It's a tough question. So what advice are you going to give?

Roque
I've got that thing in my head if she has a boyfriend. It's kind of hard for me to see my daughter in a way because of how I move. In order to help my daughter out in the future, it is hard to see my daughter since I'm separated from her. It's hard for me to get to know her better. She's going to grow up not knowing who I am. That's a big thing that I look at. Man, I don't want her to grow up not knowing who I am because she's not going to like me because I'm her dad. "Who is this guy coming every here and there. It's sad because I don't want her not knowing me when she gets older. She just sees me every chance that I get to see her. She won't call me Dad; she'll be calling me by my name. That kind of thing hurts me because she doesn't know who I am.

It's going to be hard for you because you're going to be frustrated. It's ridiculous having a kid at a young age. You're not careful. You're not thinking correctly. You see different things. You think differently. You think everything is going to be okay, yeah, everything is going to be fine. We can do it. We can work things out, but when it comes to that point you're stuck. You're shocked.

You don't know what to do and now everything breaks apart; your plans that you had by thinking that you were ready to have a kid, they're broken. You don't know what to do now. You're stuck now because in the future, while you're pregnant, while you're having that kid, you separate with the baby's father and you guys start losing trust, you guys start hating each other. That's what you go through as you grow up. You find out what's there and what's not there.

Don't think that everything is going to be okay, "Oh yeah, she won't get pregnant." There's a big chance that she will. A very big chance. Nothing is for sure that you are not going to have a kid. There's always abortion but that's like taking away your own life's blood. You don't want to do that.

JCH
You have to make tough choices.

Roque
It makes me think why did I...Now I'm going to start crying. Ask me a different one.

JCH
You've told people what you think and that's important. You've told people what you feel and that's important.

Roque
There's not much you can do because it's already happened. If it hasn't happened already then, man, I'd advise all the young kids not to have kids.

It is hard. You make a lot of choices, a lot of choices you don't want to make because you don't want to do those choices. There are some times where you don't have a choice at all.

If I had listened back then I don't think I'd be in the spot I'm in right now. I'd be in college some where. It's going to be hard for a young parent to go to school and work at the same time. You just start losing it if it's really difficult for you. Like me, I haven't lost it. I think her mother has though. She has. She's getting to a point...

JCH
It's tough being with a baby twenty-four hours a day.

Roque
It is. It does kind of hurt too because she wants to go out and you want to go out and you guys both go out. Since I'm not with her and she goes out and she uses the kid where ever. I don't think that's right. You go through that and I don't think that's right. I don't feel like a girl should go out or I don't think either should go out. If she can't go out, you shouldn't go out. I think you'd have to take turns if you guys both want to go out. You just don't leave the kid to who ever. You don't know what kinds of people are out there taking care of your kid. You don't want to have a kid to tell you the truth. You don't. Yeah, they're cute when they're little. My daughter is the most beautiful thing in the world. Well, that's what I say. You can think differently. You can say your kid is the most beautiful kid in the world.

I would tell my daughter to be careful. I want to say something but I don't want to dis on the guys. I wasn't out there just for one thing. What happened, happened. Can't go back into the future. It already happened.